B|

I.. I wish I could tell everybody to forget about me.
Make it seem I was never in anyones life.
So I could run.
I.. I don't only wish. I want to..


Lately, all I've been doing is reading.
Because if I don't, everything comes at me.
And I start to worry, be sad, whatever.
Its my escape.
I like to read.
I read a lot.
It makes me forget about everything else real.

fuck.
I dont' know if I can handle things any longer.
A few more weeks, and I'll break down..

Arugh.
I really want to see Brady.
I'm getting so annoyed with my family.
But my mom sounded so happy on the phone.
She is so excited to see me.
And my grandma is coming down, from Nova Scotia, to be with my mom..
I never see my grandma..

I'm hating how I live with three fucking guys.
If it was just my dad, that would be okay.
But no.
A brother, a teenage brother, food is all he thinks about.
And an older brother with a mental illness, and all he does is eat
and take up space.
I'm sick.
I'm sick of it.
I've said this so much, but I don't know what the fuck to do.

I want to get out of here.

I think, if my life ever gets really bad, I'd turn to alcohol.
I don't smoke, and drugs are NOT me, so I would.
I'd probably be a binge drinker.
Seeking control in intoxication.
I don't know why I would, I just thought about it..



I have no idea what to do.
My mom. She's all excited about seeing me.
But I want to be with Brady.
I don't know if my dad even has enough money.
And Brady, he hasn't been completely happy once this month.
And honestly, neither have I.
I've been wearing a smile.
Not a true one.

I'm really fucking confused.
I want to end this.
I want to run away.
I want everyone to forget me.
So I can leave.
LEAVE.
I want to leave.
I'm thinking of doing something..
Soon..
I just.. don't know what yet.

I can't keep it up here.
I can't.
I CANT.